Issues and Trends in Speed Dating
Speed dating was a method of dating which involved bringing a large number of Jewish youths together and allowing them to meet, familiarize and eventually get married. This concept that started out of a Jewish need has spread to be a very universal concept. The concept was initiated and propagated by a Jew named Rabbi Yaacov Deyo of Aish HaTorah.
The Jews have a history if scattering all over the place, and coming together to marry fellow Jews became a thing of difficulty. This necessitated the first speed dating event that ever occurred. This took place in the year 1998 in Beverly Hills, USA.
With the problem that the first speed dating set out to solve being seen as a universal one, subsequent events of similar nature followed. This spread to the UK, Canada, and many other parts of the world.
How does speed dating happen
The current day version is organized in such a way that all the fears of the participants are taken care of. The process is that all the teenagers who wish to participate in the dating are required to register some days or weeks before the date for the event. This is to insure that proper number considerations are made. On the day of the speed dating proper, the whole participants are normally organized together in an open room, where each person sees the other and possibly hear the other. Men are allowed to talk to ladies for just 3 -5 minutes on any subject that is of interest to them. With the few minutes search, they are supposed to know whether the partner is one they will like to get into relationship with.
The method is that when the time for each date elapses, the moderator sends a signal to all participants either by blowing a whistle, ringing a bell or any other means. When this is done, the participants move to other dates and repeat the same thing. This is continued till all participants have met with all the others.
The result of the date is that each participant keeps a list of the person he or she will like to meet again. If there is a match where a man and woman indicates that they will like to meet each other again, their contacts are sent to each other and the next date is organized between them. A lot of people have met and forged valuable relationships through speed dating.
There are age considerations when the event is organized. Naturally, people will always like to meet people of same age-group. However, some speed dating events have open age range, where people of any age-grade are allowed to participate. Again, there is always the effort to make the numbers even. If ten boys are coming, they always try to make the number of girls up to 10. This is the reason why the prior registration is needed.
History of speed dating
Just as it is indicated above, speed dating started in Los Angeles in 1988. It was invented by Rabbi Deyo who is the director of Aish HaTorah, a Jewish group that has its head quarters in Los Angeles, but with branches all over the globe. This is intended as an avenue to get Jewish singles together. From the time the firstdating happened in Los Angeles, numerous dating events have taken place, with the US having the upper hand in this. It has completely moved away from the Jewish affair to become a very universal thing, and has become so popular that many of the bars in Los Angeles at the moment host about 1 or 2 speed dating events every week.
The method at the moment is that the registration fee paid for this is used for the refreshment of all participants, so you do not have to worry about this.
In Los Angeles at the moment, men who come for this are made to line up on a particular row while the ladies sit opposite them. The men continue to move along one space to get to the next girl as the dating goes on. However, this takes place in very stylish and spacious environment.
In recent times, the problem of the economic crises and its resultant credit crunch boosts speed dating a lot. Men were quarantined to many hours of work in the office because their colleagues were laid off and they are made to do more works. This extra work time encroached into the private times of men and the need for organized and timed leisure and recreation arises. Speed dating fits into this category perfectly.
Advantages of speed dating
The number one advantage of speed dating to you is that you are presented with an avalanche of options. The truth is that most times, if you look at people that make mistakes or those that are forced into relationships, it is mostly because of the options they have. People always go for the things available to them. Speed dating makes available up to 10 – 40 people to you, depending on the size. This makes it easy for you to choose. Of course, it is always difficult for you to attend an event and come back without being captivated by at least one participant. There is no event where you will get such number of people at your own disposal.
Another great thing about speed dating is that the people it presents to you are always people of your class and standard. There will not be that intimidation that you normally about class difference. This hampers a lot of relationships and people always find it difficult to locate and associate with people of same social strata that appeals to them. Remember, it is not all the people of the same social strata with you that you will like. But here, you are allowed to choose.
Another advantage of this is that it is happening in a dating environment. Of course, you will be the one to attest to how many times people have snapped at you and embarrassed you, simply because you elected to talk or have a chat with them. In speed dating, everybody is coming to meet people. The dating environment gives you the confidence to approach all the participants boldly, because they are all coming for dating in a dating environment.
Another good thing is the time factor. Because the process is timed, it gives you the chance to squeeze it into your very tight schedule. You don’t have to worry about venue, refreshment, and timing. Again, the short time will help you to endure any self-centered boastful person, because it only lasts for few minutes and you are out.
Disadvantages of speed dating
Speed dating also comes with its disadvantages. The cardinal disadvantage here is the short timing. In issues of impression and feeling, timing can take away the fact and essence. Here, you are allowed to choose the person who impresses you immediately. But the truth is that most of the valuable impressions come on the long run. You are not given the time to know about their real potentials, and for truthful and real connection to develop between the both of you.
Another aspect of disadvantage you might experience with speed dating is deception. There are some people that are very good at disguise. These lots will simply deceive you with their antics since this date only lasts for few minutes. This can spell doom for you in the future if you fail for it, or better still, it will be a waste of time.
How men can succeed in speed dating
This might seem a lopsided one. But the fact remains that the people who start the conversation and push it in the dating are the men. So, the success of the event rests hugely on them. If you are a man, especially the inexperienced and shy one, you can and should use these tips to succeed in your own speed dating.
The eye contact is one effect you can use to build your confidence. When you get into the dating room, look straight and parallel to the wall and get your relaxation right.
When you are here, you will notice that the room is filled with nervous young people, who are very anxious about the date and what outcome it will give. To be the master here, the room must notice your entrance. You can only do this by breathing in and out immediately you get into the room and putting up a very light and calculated smile. The smile will not only make you relax, its infectious effect will affect everybody inside the room.
When you get into the room, another method of gaining real confidence is by not looking like a lost child. However, you should know that the only thing that keeps you in the mood for a successful dating is confidence, and you can gain this by walking straight to any of the guys and saying hello. Majority of the guys will be pleased to reply and have a slight chat with you. When this happens, you will definitely have some poise and confidence for the day.
When you sit down in front of the lady, do not relax and lay back. Sit up straight and relax in a very smart manner. This shows you as having very good manners.
When you must have sat down properly in front of her, allow some seconds of silence, so that the lady will be the one to start the conversation. If you smile and allow her to say hi first, you have caught her. Your confidence will also soar. But if this does not come from her, do it before the condition becomes uncomfortable.
With this done, you can go ahead and ask the ultimate question. Here, it is always good for you to avoid the common questions in speed dating. Ask questions like, do you enjoy travelling?
The next thing you have to do is to really listen to her responses before asking the next question. Of course, questions will and should come from what she tells you.
Again, don’t be fast in telling her about yourself. In fact, don’t do it unless she asks. Monitor her reaction within the conversation. Many things, including her eye contact and posture will signal being comfortable or tensed. Watch this.